This month I’m going to be taking a break on my political and social opinion pieces. We all know what state the US is in right now and to be frankly honest I’m taking a hiatus. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s not that I don’t want to fight, it’s that I don’t want to listen to our mainstream news and social media giving that man any more airtime.

Let’s think about the future. What do we want to see for our fellowship for the future? A robust religious education program that partners with and shares amazing resources with all UU fellowships in the area? A powerful and enticing music program that includes a professional music director and choir leader? A strong adult programming block that allows us to engage one another on a spiritual and philosophical plane, all while still having fun and being part of community?

I know that even as of last year, we had several moments where we were asked these questions, or asked the ever so appropriate yet vague question “What would we like to see for the future of our community?” This is our opportunity to put our money where our mouth is!

UU churches are on a trajectory that could see us gain hundreds of new members in the next coming years. We will not be able to support that if we don’t have enticing programs in place! Caveat: I would never encourage anyone to give more than they could. Give what you can be comfortable with, can live without, and would love to see in action.

This month I reflect on the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire fell due to a combination of factors including economic instability, political corruption, military overextension, barbarian invasions by Germanic tribes, and a weakening of the Roman legions; essentially, a decline in internal stability coupled with external pressures from surrounding populations led to the empire’s collapse. Interesting, right? Sounding a bit familiar? Did you know that the Romans also placed their hands over their hearts to recite their pledge to the Empire? Fascinating parallel, isn’t it?

While I do not see a complete and total collapse of our government, perhaps this new administration and our current Felon-in-Chief will allow us to see in deeper detail the cracks and flaws in our current Federal and capitalist system. I have hope that this will be the wake-up call that we need as a society to realize that we are being fed lies and misinformation intentionally, by the people who we are supposed to trust and respect. I am well-aware of the cult-like behavior of his followers, but some of those closest to me who voted for him are now realizing their enormous error. They see the rest of the world laughing at us wondering, “Why?”

This is not just occurring on “their side.” There are folks on the Democratic side that, while not as blatant, are just as guilty of why we are where we are as a Union. My Political Science professor in college always said that if you want to see why politicians vote the way that they do, especially if it seems antithetical to their prevailing views, follow the money. In the meantime, we must continue our Social Justice work, and we must continue to resist.

This holiday season suddenly took a rough turn for me, personally. I am grieving in a strange way: my stepfather, whom I have little respect for and do not have a relationship with for multitudes of reasons, is dying. To put a not too fine a point on it, he was abusive and hurtful, while simultaneously being absent most of my formative years. Sure, he resided in the same house as us, but he largely kept to himself, tinkering with whatever in his motorhome parked in our driveway. I rarely saw him, except in the evenings when he’d come for dinner (that I typically cooked) and when we had company.
How do you grieve someone like this?

You also must realize that others might have a different relationship with said individual, as is the case with my two brothers who adore their father. That’s part and parcel of grieving what “could have been,” and while it’s horrible, there isn’t much to be done about it. Unless the individuals who experienced a different aspect of the former are willing to truly hear you out and are willing to see the pain, hurt, and broken trust, you won’t be able to change their minds. It’s like my mother said about my grandmother, “My mother and your grandmother are two entirely different people.”

You absolutely do not have to forgive them, as I have preached even recently that forgiveness comes after reconciliation, which won’t happen in this case. Nor will I seek it. I tell my patients that you grieve the relationship – the hopes and wishes you had for the relationship that were missing. You grieve the hurt caused by the individual, and you allow yourself the grace to experience the pain and the release that comes with it. You forgive yourself for any weakness, anger, frustration, and pain you internalized during the toxic relationship, and you allow yourself to heal.

PS: Don’t forget your red lipstick on January 6th, and Inauguration Day! Embrace rebellion!

Red lipstick. We think about it as a fashion choice – a bold statement from the wearer. It’s a powerful color that can indicate a lot of things, including confidence and strength, femininity in a bold way, social status, rebellion, and seduction. In ancient times, it was a genderless cosmetic used to show wealth, status, and power, and was used for sun protection. It reached a peak during the renaissance, when Queen Elizabeth I of England and Queen Margot of Navarre, then France used it to show their status: the ingredients to get the color included cochineal (crushed insects), egg whites, fig milk, and gum Arabic. It also became taboo roughly 125 years later; married women who were found to have used cosmetics could be tried for witchcraft for seducing their husbands by “unnatural means.”

Suffragettes in the 1920’s started wearing it as a symbol of rebellion and women’s rights. It was a badge of courage for the marching women to wear red lipstick.

In the 1940’s during the rise of Fascism, the Nazi party outlawed the wearing of red lipstick, because Hitler hated it. He called it “animal fat rescued from sewage,” and forbade it and many other cosmetics, as a woman’s “Aryan” beauty was enough. What was the American response? Red lipstick again became a symbol of patriotism, and a statement against Fascism. Women again donned red lipstick to show their resilience in the face of the conflict, and to retain their own sense of identity. It was so popular that the American Marine Corps Women’s reserve paid Elizabeth Arden to create a special shade of bespoke red lipstick to compliment their service uniforms! It again became a symbol of victory over oppression.

So, ladies (and gentlemen inclined), join me on January 6th, and Inauguration Day to once again don our red lipstick and embrace the rebellion of our feminist forebears.

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